Infinity, Bloody Infinity
by SorenGladfeldt
Summary: Edward and Jacob, having finally had enough, face off against one another for the glittering prize.
1. Chapter 1

And like a bear in the night, all coherency and normalcy crashed and collapsed as reality died, its ruined carcass hitting the ground with a mighty, thunderous sound that shook the trees to their tips and sent all the elves hurling into space where they slammed into Jupiter and coagulated into a single cohesive entity that would one day return to exact its revenge on those who did it wrong.

"You must slay the accursed beast!" Edward cried, and in response, Jacob took hold of his sword and jumped upon his camel and they rode off into the stars to murder that thing which always held them accountable for their sins against themselves and their lovers in bed while the Nihilist Forces advanced closer to the great and shining city that was named nothing pronounceable without exchanging livers with a wallaby so for to make great banging sound upon table with thy glass goblet.

The chariots rode out and met their matches as the flames ignited and the entire world shook as they hurled villages at each other with their trebuchets of death and the little children woke in horror to the nightmare that was called existing without doing so since they didn't really know just how many penguins they would need for their journey up the river whilst Nero killed the daisy field with a single leap of his mighty breath upon which angels and demons make war upon those who do not curse all of it and it itself.

Please take note however, that in the events which occurred that dreadful month, nothing worth noting really happened as happening is simply an illusion in and of itself for no one really cares what happens as long as it doesn't affect them.

And it didn't! For none in all the ages of warrior men and angels of fire which wrestled in great arenas and forced the reconciliation of all nations under the four great sons upon which and under which beautiful women rained down from the sky to reunify all nature's elements to one single atom from which the reality that wasn't didn't not arise from. Kings collapsed upon drinking the vile substance that is called leather as jesters played amazing symphonies about great things that sadly only happened in reality and could not be known in our dreams.

And on that day, the Jacob and the Entity of Jupiter fought against each other in such mighty greatness that all the people cheered with joy and wept in fear simultaneously for they had no idea who would win this great battle, the Jaw or the Sphinx. Nobody dared not to make bets on such risky and uneven odds in which all were equal and, just as Marx said, the people would be fulfilled and the waterfalls then did flow upward toward heaven where the great ones returned, smashing all that they didn't overlook in a great sort of homecoming which sent shock through all the people as thunder cracked and lashed all the way to Andromeda, where the Children of Isis screamed in horror at this thing called reassurance and sent their angry mother hurling toward the infidels with intent upon bloodlust and treason.


	2. Chapter 2

And upon bicycles did the mountains cringe, as seaport after seaport won the battle against the Pigs and the rogues detonated their cages over the sides of the sky sending themselves falling back to earth where they enjoyed lap dances by Venus among other seductresses. Kings on high heights meanwhile, were unaware of the events that transpired while they were drinking the tears of their daughters who wept only for the ones who had no tears for to weep for themselves with.

It is because of these things, which didn't not happen, that the stars then made love and produced offspring onward to send their children to greatness and fortune. The gods meanwhile, looked upon this sight while enjoying the mutton which their Mongol slaves had bought them at the store with the money they earned through sacrificing to themselves and their animals.

But it could not be, for there and then and always forthwith, the empires hurled themselves into the sun while the daughters of Lilith rose up from Nod and consumed everyone in their paths, causing complete silence throughout the land as wine poured down from the Moon, and Edward promptly hit Mars with his mighty club, sending it a great fiery mass, hurling out toward the cosmos where the musicians picked it apart and enjoyed its tender meat.

And so, as it came to pass that the wild children of Lindor took up their lyres and sang songs of praise to the great gods above who produced much offspring and manna for the little people of the island to rejoice with. But unbeknownst to them both, the rascals of the north plotted their gunpowder revenge against the few nations which hadn't not done them imperfections.

There were none to be found at all. So instead the dancers whirled about the fields, inhaling marijuana fumes sent to them by Apollo and lived in constant fear that Zeus would find them again, redoing what had finally just been undone. But there wasn't hope in wishing such things upon one's self, mother or neighbor. So they came and accepted defeat by Edward who then sent them all with his great club hurling towards Betelgeuse for they were secretly infidels and he knew it.

And on reaching Betelgeuse, they having been sent by Edward's mighty club began attacking the native pixies, leaving their cities flattened as they used their teeth, which doubled as nuclear weapons, to obliterate the many settlements that the pixies did have upon that great world. But just when they had finally scattered the pixies, the dancers were met with an even greater foe that Edward had sent to annihilate them and it was Jacob!


	3. Chapter 3

The dancers and Jacob charged at each other head on, in hope of outdoing one another, for there were 6,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 of them and only one of him. But it turned out he had the strength of more than 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 giants with which he reduced them all the way back to the primal goo from which they first emerged.

"You vile bastard!" Edward cried, attacking Jacob and issuing his vendetta like a newspaper with many adds and cartoons for to entertain the masses which watch in awe as the little children bombard the forces from above with flames which singed the countryside to ruin and dust that was promptly swept up by the housewife for fear that her husband would arrive home and see the mess that the animals she secretly kept in the house when he wasn't looking would attack and hold them all hostage while the government used tanks made out of dogs made out of hand grenades to counter strike against the suspected combination lock in which the secret to life and all things lay.

But it was utterly hopeless to do so, because all the monkeys and generals in the world couldn't destroy the safe and discover the truth, which only the gods knew truly, and they knew better than to go revealing their councils to the parliament, because their shining angels had warned them not to do so, so they only trusted Zoroaster. But before long the goose was cooked and the pancakes burned and even the best swordsmen were helpless against the mighty foe.

So Air Force One was loaded up and they headed for Magrathea, where they knew they would be safe from criminals like pickpockets and dolphins which fly off into the sky performing beautiful tricks and scattering fireworks everywhere to entertain the orphans whose tears are used to water the roses of the immense castle in which the creator builds his monstrosities to commit his atrocities, such as crossing the vortex line without permission from the king or even the Master who guides all things along their paths and is only matched in grandeur by Socrates and Chuck Norris who have long since throttled each other to death in massive six-dimensional chess tournaments which cost entire civilizations to play because of the tremendous nature of the game, and by which only demi-gods do truly swear and only fools contemplate playing.

But as these sacred events carried forth and the mountains fought amongst themselves like the savages they were, the lovers danced in that eternal embrace at the ends of the very earth itself, setting all the worlds ablaze as the women's dresses brushed across the landscape which was promptly demolished by the children of Zoltar to make way for their new library of green porcelain encrusted with diamonds upon which microscopic civilizations existed where people's lives passed in the blink of an eye and they waged violent warfare for control of their little diamonds, completely oblivious of the worlds which existed beyond their own.


	4. Chapter 4

And on that day, another one did fall from the very face of man upon which great feasts were eaten and the milk which did spill then splayed across the heavens themselves and became the stars and the planets which would one day fall from above and choke the emperor to death as he failed to properly substance which was given to him by the sages who saw the millennia to come and knew that the land of Greece would one day fall to the Turks and then cannons would fire upon great men who would heal their wounds with the nectar of the gods as prescribed by the pharmacist at the marketplace whose wears are always in use in someplace and time, and another nation which cannot be named at this time then dreamt of a day when all would be sweet and the food of the eyes would swell to tremendous size that could indulge all the masses into fat blobs which would explode like confetti on impact with maroon monsoons named after the moon. But warily they watched as the movies flashed like lightning ablaze and curtsy which pleasure at the utter sweetness of the young girl with the fine black hair who wore black and red while the men of Mars came down like fire upon the lakes and burnt all in sight with their wretched vision that knew nothing but hatred and war.

Nihilists they were. Nihilists and solipsists who only dreamt in sepia and washed their socks with the wax of candles lovingly as a world away men and women made adoring love upon great beds of satin and silk while swans serenaded them peacefully with their songs. But lo, it was to be decreed by all that none could decree that all should hear in color since that would violate the rights of the blind and the deaf who could only imagine all that was and isn't not known as non-existent. But as waterfalls fell upon all our realms and the pianos wept in sorrow at the disuse of magic that was enforced by the inquisition across all places and times for which none were known.

But why could it be that our realm isn't known to exist in truth and fullness? Could it be that we are all but lowly fish against the current we swim as long as we all shall live forever and ever more upon a great rock which the temple has been built for its use as prescribed by a watery grave out of which Davy Jones emerges silently to collect the souls of the departed.

And thus it came to pass, that on that day the water ran onward out toward the sea, where at long last the Golden Age had finally come, and the isle of Atlantis arose from the waters, and all the world was covered in cotton candy and dipped in Faygo, and all the carnivals were line-free and angels gave free Swedish massages, while little kids jumped on trampolines for joy, while men with guitars for arms played glorious anthems of silver and platinum to herald in the days of wine and salt.


	5. Chapter 5

Jacob was now surrounded by many sensual women, who had each in their hand a spray can. One woman, hair of ebony and with a slight tummy, walked over to a much shorter woman who had golden locks atop her cranium and eyes like the Arizona dessert, and proceeded to spray her midsection.

Jacob watched in undaunted awe as he witnessed the soft muffin top that had formerly been on the brunette suddenly jump onto the golden-haired girl, who then giggled, and sprayed the brunette's delightful boobies, which then jumped onto her as they exchanged bosoms.

Another pair of ladies, one with a carrot top and the other looking utterly Nordic, proceeded to spray each other's various parts, playing a sort of swapping-game, before segueing into a threesome.

Finally, one lass approached Jacob. She said nothing as she sprayed her own tittywitties which promptly fell off and bounced slightly as they hit floor. She then proceeded to spray her legs, which then popped off, and her arm not holding the spray can, and finally her head as well, leaving her nothing but a pile of disembodied—yet still alive—limbs, torso and a head, lying on the floor. The girl's head smiled up at Jacob and said, "Assemble me, cutie!"

Jacob picked up the girl's various parts, and, after thinking briefly, decided to reassemble her into something Picasso might paint. When he was finished with the job, the girl used her mind to summon a mirror into this dimension so she could examine herself. She was overjoyed.

"Thank you!" she squealed as she ran off, one leg now an arm, one arm serving as a leg, and various other mismatches.

Another dame ran up to Jacob and sprayed his hair; the last thing he saw was his do now atop the head of the girl before his view was obstructed by a curtain of brown curls.

"Spray me now!" she said, handing him the can. He looked at it and fell into a thinktrance. He had always wondered what it must be like to have a coinslot, and this was as amble an opportunity as any to find out. But then again, what if he didn't like it? He had another idea…

He forged into existence a knife, which he then used to puncture the spray can, which promptly exploded everywhere. Many feminine giggles were heard as the sounds of various now sovereign body parts hitting the floor resounded through the room. Once the fog had cleared, Jacob discovered that he now had his old hair back, but one leg for the short blond lady, another from the carrot-topped female, one unidentified womanly right hand, no left hand, and the brunette girl's tummy. He did not have a coinslot.


	6. Chapter 6

And it is truly without these details which young ladies such as ours cannot sing unavailably until another power auger is introduced into the equation of life and all its cavalier attitudes toward such atrocities as the master would commit without even knowing he isn't not doing what can't not be unforgiven until your window to the door to the ladder to the sun where a cold little man with a cold little heart that unintentionally creates much static on the televisions without seeing, being, or craving a klingon clinging on for dear life like an alley cat without ears of corn on his feet.

But unlike likable links of love and lords who long for liverwurst, President Lincoln cannot be heard over the sandstorm as he called "CAN YOU HEAR ME!?" to Jacob and his camel where they stood. But he called only in reply "I CANNOT!" and he rode towards Saturn, draining the sky of orange soda which falls from the sewers of which virtues are evilly planning unvirtuous actions against virtuous vegans on Venus.

But as it was and is not no more, a quagmire did form from the bubbles of acid which was smoked by the glorious artists who crafted great works of Gods and Men written by angels who's dust is skated upon at dusk without a couch that ways an ounce in which insects heal wings with wills with the wrong rites and equal rights and many, many, bug bites. A serial killer did stalk the night, and Jacob was right to use his might alongside Edward. They did seek out the killer, in hopes of destroying his anger against pains of glass which were sharpened on the gills of whales shrieked by banshees named Suzy.

A country was named in his honor, while Edward was then impaled upon Jacob's sword as he swore he would only fight by night in mid-flight. But gunships were armed and ready to pay the way to the players whose prayers were kindled brightly by water and gasoline which was flared to life by the very same wife whose bath was always a wafer by the tabletop of Cyprus. A kindred spirit he was.

But anon and harrow. Matilda waltzed lovingly as New Zealand sank into the sea due to the actions of Jacob whose tap dancing was shot in the arm because vaccination was urgently needed by the people of Mars whose names were spelt in Reformed Egyptian whilst mercilessly merciful Mormon missionaries mourn in the morning in Manhattan, making maidens named Megan and Mary meekly moan for meat. And Benedict Arnold armed armies of emperor penguins with prickly pikes with poisoned points, which was a pointless action. But Chaucer wrote it all down because he longed for the love of a leather boot who lamely lingers at the late day and die down in dairy products endlessly wanting more.

A colonial house was set ablaze by barons wearing beautiful berets and bonnets made of baseballs and balloons. But badly broken was the boat, and an eel did seethe through the cracks and penetrate the impenetrable prison of perilous people placed there for their protection. It wasn't however, really not that which isn't always understated and said dryly as a cupola sat clucking while the chicken kept the house dry from the farm animals who came raining down from the sky like stars during a meteor shower in which oceans break into many pieces that were sprinkled on your morning serial killer. But as such, the nations are at work picking the sunspots out of the sun for to consume very deliciously as to with without virtues like rain which reign over everyone last one of us and then some.

But Edward was tactful, and knew how to outsmart his opponents, and by using his mighty club, he killed Jacob, sending the vapors that his body was reduced to out into the cosmos where they would float for an eternity evermore. For they died without caterpillars, and the hosts were all without way to fire their arrows for their bows had been stolen by evil violinists from Neptune to play brown note songs with, and without Jacob, there was no one to stop them.

Another aimless day did pass, that Edward attended that holy mass, pondering the makings of the universe with which all things are built and made. But harrow and without thin archers we cannot believe the ways we were conceived atop David Bowie's head inside a moon base. But why? It cannot be answered the way that you would will it wished be answered willingly wishfully. Another wonderment angel and killed deaf person to death without a wingless angel to guard his heart from the heart of darkness and its art while Kilroy wept at Vadermort's death again and again.

Like a ton of bricks weighing more than a stone fell atop Edward, dropped on him by Jacob, they did successfully kill him. "Victory is mine!" said Jacob, rejoicing at Edwad's death. But all of what you have just read is merely a merry metaphor of meta-cognition without masterful crafts of creation and credit scores crappily creeping quietly along the bottom of the ocean in the sense of unanswerable questions answered by a man named Answer Me who did lie with a girl named A Girl Named. Erotica.


	7. Chapter 7

And our guitars were set ablaze as infants sang to the choirs of angels who's aunts' ants in their pants were scantily clad like a wee one's angle of satin which isn't not called archeology without which we cannot maroon ourselves on dark red worlds of words made of warriors and wanderers. Another one is about to fall, here comes the cutter, here comes the cutter, once again an illegitimate bastard son will go to war with himself and his enemies' friends' rivals will defeat him in the heat of combat without a second thought setting fire to the world as dipped in chocolate with Swedish massages given by Finns to Norwegians as Icelandic pop rock singers explode upon contact with water.

But no, it wasn't not about to be broken like another one which isn't not another one doing it against its will like a blown out wine glass's lynch-pin stealing long lost lovers luggage from latent homosexuals who's artworks art unbeknownst to thou, unlike mine own works with which we wander worlds wonderfully. But it isn't not that when whether sends water reigning over us all like love in the ocean of time and liver while sinful sons shine bright in the night of the moon and Megan marched madly across the mead fields that you omit brazenly brokenly because you are bad to the bacon that stir fries confetti atop buildings made of people made of buildings.

Another one will always drink the wine while whining down the tree bark explosively without arms while the lovers engage in empty intercourse flailing flaming fannies wildly in a very exhibitionist fashion since they cannot be seen otherwise. But there was none to be found as the heat prickled darkly until the elephant's foot stomped it out like a cigarette on Mars. Death for the dead is a deadly thing to behold. But as time marches on we will eventually know the meaning of meanings which is most likely meaningless until explosive burn out the burnouts one by one.

It will not be cause for alarm, however, that the milk in the jar broke clean through the ceiling until angst in August dies like fires in the vast cosmic night of which the knightly virtues are meaningless until a man named Name naïvely nukes naked Nigerians as if nobody knows. But they drank the wine in the hope that they would control cattle casually with its powers imbued upon them honestly.

AND THEN THEY SANG THE CHILDREN TO SLEEP UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE CAME IN ON THE WINGS OF EAGLES WHOSE FLAMES WERE ALIVE WITH FIRE. BUT THEY WERE SECRETLY NECROPHILIACS WHO MADE SHAMELESS LOVE TO THEIR OBJECTS OF AFFECTION IN THE HIDDEN DEPTHS OF THE NIGHT. WHY? RHY BREAD.


	8. Chapter 8

Edward awoke, only to find himself bound and gagged and gradually being broken on a wheel by Jacob, who laughed viciously as the act was performed by him. In the background of this hideous action, the mothers of many children all screamed for naught in the vein hope that someday their lost boys might perhaps return home from the homefront where all weren't not liberated from the freedom of slavery at the hands of slovenly Slavs living in El Salvador. Pigs also flew about the room, encroaching on our private property hatefully like the little bugfuckers they know they are deep down, no matter how deeply they deny it to themselves and us as well.

Edward, not about to bested by his hairy-palmed adversary, began using is mind to blow open holes in the floor beneath Jacob's feet, revealing many screaming souls enshrined in flames of lava and singing a mighty unearthly chorus of eternal song across all ages evermore and then some. Edward laughed at this mercilessly distasteful act which Jacob did put on for them all, feigning nonexistence and hoping to convert people to moon-denialism in doing so.

"Who's the pussy-ass fucker, now, eh?!" demanded, Edward, who then charged at Jacob, picking up Mr. Jack T. Chick and hurling the ancient evangelist at his manxom foe, killing both in the process.


	9. Chapter 9

And it wasn't not grand for our children's children to rejoice in the splendor of Endor and embark on journeys to holy lands where fires burn continuously to please the gods and quench their thirst for wrath and bloodlust as all came down upon their heads within seconds of triumphing endlessly against the winds of time. Men who thought (or were thought) invincible soon proved otherwise. This was no laughing matter, for you cannot spell _SLAUGHTER_ without _LAUGHTER_.

But as it is and as to that, we are not what we think of regarding the movements of the platypus, yea, but a new poignant empire is struck from the very graft of a hobnob and a door's underside which couldn't yet bat as always been haven't a won away any ever again today or at all do I see you? Not in verily, but in truth and all dreams and kayaks, which burn like moths in the night as we overlook our past sins in the hope they'll be forgotten and blow away like dust in the moonlight or better yet be evaporated and reduced to fishflakes!

"But what is this thing which you long for?" Edward asked gleefully as Jacob speared his tuba through his torso like spaghetti in the ghetto on a Thursday afternoon. "Eh?" Nothing could be hear as he carried about his work and his angel's dusts in a carton made of balsa wood without fingernail clippers to weigh down his uncle's aunt's sister's mother's second-cousin's final losses and dreams as we hung ourselves with bags of linen while Lenin watched us and laughed, weeping tears of molten iron which burnt the ground as they landed upon the surface of a planet whose name mustn't be revealed for fear of retribution from false gods in the act of anger and vigilance while vigilantes issue vendettas against virtuous vicars who view valueless Vikings as very violent.

PAH! KAH! TAH! RAH! Where art thou at the moment of thine conception? Are ye amongst monkeys who stroke kittens on clouds, with angels in trees? Why art nothing answerable in the realm of this story? Let us continue as the lovely lady from London longs for her lover lavishly looming on the lonely horizon of horrors and whores. It is Tanzania we are bound for. But as to that, I don't think a plane will do. Let us take a bus from New Saturn. Emerging from chaos is not a way of life, but merely an illusion upon which the greatest musicians of the age have based their symphonic harmonic pop ditties upon ever since the age of Apes and Angels passed so very long ago…

But nigh, have were heard on high, as a speed boat goes bigh, its captain reading _Catcher in the Righ_. It wasn't to be sadly, since our elves are unlike yours in ways that you can never truly hope to comprehend until your wallabies are swallowing jackalopes whole or your whether-vein is pointing due north on a blazing hot day in February or in the frigid days of August. Elmer's Glue. Extermination is the way to lose the war. Which is our ultimate goal to achieve it which is our lost cause. Pariah or messiah? I don't know any better than you don't.

Let chaos erupt and the world crash around us.


	10. Chapter 10

As the plants spun about the sun in their divinely appointed coarses and paths, meanwhile, Edward was flying through space like the mighty meteors which had long ago slammed into earth and slain the dinosaurs like the tiny flies which impact the windshield of the tourbus of the rock band, crossing the country on the tour of America, Afghanistan, and Iceland where the many volcanos are.

Spaceships attacked each other like characters in a videogame designed by an geeky madman obsessed with images of mermaids in speedos who speed down Lakeshore BLVD at more than twice the speed limit, but don't get busted by the police thanks to the virtues of the ninja stars they hurl at law-enforcement officials who dare challenge them.

Edward was not particularly amused at the moment, for things seemed a bit out of whack lately. An elf ran up to him, carrying a metal box with many gears on it, as well as a smoke stack, a windsock, and a little flag with the words THIS IS NOT A FLAG on it; Edward took his trusty Soltam K6 out of his pocket and used it to shoot the elf.

He then examined the strange device. On one side was a series of buttons which alien-looking symbols on them. He pressed purple button; nothing noticeable happened. He pressed the green button, and—


End file.
